Loving Ryan - chapter 1

-Chapter one-

"Allie, please! Open the door! Please. Allie, let me in. Let me explain,"

His consistent rapping on my front door was starting to piss me off. Why couldn’t he understand that i needed time? There was too much going on at the moment that i needed to process, i needed to take the back seat and just think about everything from a distance. With Ryan around i can’t do that. His presence is forever overwhelming and it’s impossible to think when he is around me, it is like everything i know melts away when he is near and all i can think about is him; how his ocean blue eyes twinkle when he smiles that wolfish goofy grin, how his blonde hair flops over his forehead when he leans down and kisses me. His soft pouty lips glistening wet after he’s licked them when he’s concentrating on something. His body, lean and muscular that makes me weak at the knees and my breath short when i see it. Shit, here i go again. I shake my head to rid myself of the image of Ryan topless and focus on the task in hand; pretending I’m not in.

My back is against the front door on the opposite side of where Ryan was hammering on. The banging has stopped and it’s quiet, although i know he is still there, i can hear his heavy breathing through the wood and i know he won’t give up until i let him in. I let my knees bend till I slide down the door and sit on the tiled flooring. It’s hard and cool on my legs and backside and i let out a sigh. Pulling my knees up to my face, i rest my chin on the top of them and start to breathe, steadily and calmly.

            If i had known 4 months ago that this is where i would be and that i would be feeling this way, i would have laughed, i would have laughed till my cheeks hurt and told myself to get a grip and stop day dreaming. The day Ryan came into my life was the day i questioned my sanity and whether it was time to take the 677 bus to St Luke’s mental institution. I was utterly convinced i was going crazy and had started to dream up celebrities to fill the emptiness of my non-existent love life. Since i was going to be sat here for a while waiting for Ryan to give up and leave, i start to recall the first time i met him and how easy it was back then before everything started turning to shit.

I’m sat straightening my hair when i hear my phone buzz on the bedside table. Putting my straightening irons down and turning them off, i walk over to where my phone is and pick it up. Unlocking it, i see the text is from my sister, Rose:

*running a bit late. Can we meet at 11.30 instead? See u soon xxx*

I quickly text back my reply.

*Ok c u later x*

I place my phone back on the table and peek at my watch. Its only 10.50am so i have time to get something to eat before i leave. When I’m just out of my bedroom i hear my phone start buzzing again. Someone’s popular today. Muttering a curse under my breathe i pick up my phone and look at the caller ID. It’s my mom. Shit i was supposed to ring her last night and i forgot! I grit my teeth and accept the call, knowing it’s going to be the same old conversation we have every time we talk.

“Hi mom,”

“Hey honey, are you alright?”

“Yeah i’m fine mom, why?”

“Ah just curious sweetheart, you didn’t call last night. I thought something might have been wrong,”

“No, i’m sorry i forgot to call. Everything’s fine, i was just out with some of the girls from work and by the time i got home it was too late,”

“Oh i see,” there’s a short silence before she adds quietly, “did you meet anyone?”

She’s cut to the chase quickly today, she must be out, or at least about to go out. I sigh, “No mom i haven’t, and before you ask, I’m not pregnant with your grandchild yet either.”

She chuckles softly down the phone before saying “There’s still time yet, Allie! Anyway, i just thought I’d call to see how you are doing. Have a good time with Rose today, love you honey.”

“Love you too mom. Bye”

“Bye”

I hang up and drop my phone into my handbag. Since Rose is going to be late I decided to go to the city a bit earlier to get something to eat before i meet her, that way i won’t have to listen to her “guess how many calories are in that” speech.

Before heading out I do one last check in the mirror. Makeup is fine, clothes are a little too baggy and hang slightly off my slim frame, but this doesn’t bother me that much as I like being thin. I always have been. Thankfully, both my sister and I take after our mother in the weight department, and unfortunately, the small breasts department too. I quickly give my hair a brush and letting it fall down my back and over my breasts so that it just touches my belly button. From all of our family holidays to Florida and Italy back when i was a child, i have successfully gained a natural tan that doesn’t make me look like an employee of Willy Wonka’s factory, but instead compliments my golden blonde hair and emerald green eyes. After my quick inspection I pick up my car keys and head out the door, locking it behind me. I best not get dragged around too much today, I think to myself as I pull out onto the main road towards the motorway heading to the city centre. It’s my only day off and I’ve agreed to let my older sister drag me around London to chase celebrities that are supposedly staying in hotels there. She’s more of a romantic than me and won’t stop till she finds her perfect man (preferably a member of royalty or someone who has starred in at least one blockbuster). She is the kind of girl to not give up no matter how much heartbreak she puts herself through, whether it’s one man, twenty men or a hundred, she still won’t quit. I guess I kind of admire her for that really.

I’m very much the opposite of Rose, thinking about it. While she was playing moms and dads, I was pretending I was Lara Croft exploring hidden caves and looting ancient villages, lost in rainforests and clambering up treacherous mountains. While she was going to Take That concerts, I was scouring the back-alley shops for original Jimi Hendrix vinyl’s and while Rose is studying to be a paediatrician, I am working in the local vets feeding and cleaning the unwell animals while dreaming about exploring the world and helping trusts and charities save endangered species. Considering we are only 3 years apart in age, we are light years apart in interests.  

            I park my Volkswagen Beetle just outside of the city to save on parking fees and decide to walk the 10 minute journey into town since it was a warm sunny day. Spring was almost over and the last bites of a cold wind were ebbing away and I found myself taking off my leather jacket and carrying it. I find my way to where I’m meant to be meeting Rose and settle in a small coffee shop across the street, choosing to sit in the window so I can see her coming. The waitress bounds over, swinging her pony tail as she walks and takes my order of a cappuccino and a blueberry muffin. Five minutes later she’s back, placing a plate down with the muffin on and my drink and I soon tuck into the muffin, I am starving.

            Sitting back I pat my tummy, its happy now it has been fed, and I look out the window before checking my watch. I let out a sigh. It’s 11.35am and Rose is still not here, is that woman ever on time?

            Suddenly I feel a thump in the back of my chair and I get pushed forwards into my table. Startled, I turn my neck to see what had pushed me. A young guy has sat down with his back to me and his chair pushed into mine on the table behind me. He’s hunched over his laptop oblivious that he has now trapped me between my chair and the table. I study his profile; he looks not that much older than me, about 26. He’s got longish dark blonde hair that falls over his face and one of those long straight roman noses that my sister swoons over on guys. His back is arched over and his muscles ripple through his white shirt every time his lifts his cup to his mouth. And oh that mouth. What a handsome mouth he has. Such soft, full lips pouting as he continues staring at his laptop screen, and right on cue, his tongue slides out of his mouth and runs a wet trail across his lower lip, leaving them glistening and pink. At that moment in time I am instantly jealous of his cup, of it being able to rest on those lips and touch his small and delicious mouth over and over again.

            I tear my gaze away from him and back to my cappuccino. I raise the cup to my lips to take a swig, when there is another thump into the back of my chair and knocking my cup so that hot coffee spills down my chin and front.

“Ow, fuck!” I hiss

 I bolt up out of my seat knocking my chair back into his with such force that he spills his own coffee onto his laptop. Rage rises in me as I turn to confront him, holding my stinging chin. He too stands quickly and turns to face me with similar anger etched in his well chiselled face.

“You made me spill coffee on my laptop,” he shouts at me. I’m taken back by his tone and I could hear his American accent clearly through his aggression. His blue eyes bore into mine waiting expectantly for my apology.

“Well you knocked into me with your chair and made me burn my face,” I replied as I slowly remove my hand, revealing my now blotchy and reddening chin. I place my hand back by my side clenching it into a ball to restrain myself from lashing out. He lowers his gaze to study my scalded chin and instantly his eyes soften and his tone is less harsh when he next speaks,

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realise someone was sitting behind me, are you ok?” He turns round to close the lid on his laptop, hiding the damaged keypad and screen made by the spilt drink. When he faces me again he’s holding out a white napkin towards me.

Taking it from him wordlessly, I look down at the napkin and then back to him. How the fuck is this going to help? Throwing it on the table next to me I walk over to the counter where all the condiments are and the waitress who served me stands, goggling at the scene we’ve just made. I ask her for a soaked cloth and she runs off to the kitchens to fetch it for me. While I wait I glance back over to the American and see that he’s starting to pack up his belongings and is shrugging his jacket on.

            The girl arrives back a few minutes later with a damp cloth and I hold it to my face. The coolness of it is heavenly on my swollen skin. I walk back over to my table I gather my bag and coat, still holding the cloth in my right hand. Without a word I stalk straight past the handsome yet annoying arrogant guy and leave the coffee shop.

Outside the air is warm and the breeze helps bring down the redness slowly spreading around my face. I am so embarrassed right now and yet so angry! Gah! Deep down I feel slightly bad for being so harsh just then with the napkin, when he was only trying to help, but at the same time I’m too stubborn to give in and go back to apologise, after all he’s just burnt my fucking chin!         

            Just then I feel soft strong fingers curl around my arm and gently pull me back. I look down and see perfectly shaped nails and long slender fingers gripping me. I follow the fingers to big hands and then up to powerful arms with a thin layer of blonde hair over them. I feel rather than see his eyes on me, but when I do make eye contact, those intense blue eyes are looking down at me through thick dark lashes laced with concern.

“Please, I’m really sorry about what happened back there. I shouldn’t have lashed out like that, I’m under immense pressure at the moment so my temper’s all over the place. My laptop has a lot of important things on there so if it’s broke I’m kinda screwed. Please let me make it up to you. I can take you to the emergency room if you’d like, or I can go get some ice and ice your chin, or...”

He’s mumbling. He’s mumbling so fast I can hardly hear what he’s saying; it’s something about icing my chin or a laptop or something along those lines, all I can do is stare at his mouth. I wonder what it tastes like. I hold up my free hand indicating for him to stop talking and like an obedient puppy, he does. I take a deep breath and speak calmly yet firmly,

“Look don’t worry about it, I’m fine. I don’t need any ice, but thank you for the offer. Also I’m sorry about your laptop, I’m willing to pay towards getting it fixed if you want me to, but I have to go, my sister has just arrived. Here is my number; you can call me about fixing a price for your laptop.”

Rummaging in my handbag, I retrieve a pen and an old receipt and scribble down my name and number before passing it to him. He takes it from my hand, accidently brushing his fingers against mine and sending tingles up my arm and making my breath catch in my throat. He too does a sharp intake of breath and blinks at me with wide eyes and parted lips. Whoa! What the fuck is happening right now? He looks down at the paper and then raises his eyes back to me, studying my face like he’s finally seeing me for the first time.

“Alyssia?” he says quietly. A small smile plays on his lips. “What a pretty name. It seems a very fitting name for someone equally as pretty. I’m Ryan” Oh! Why is my heart beating extra loud and why are my insides quivering like some school girl with a teachers crush? Jesus Christ Allie get a hold of your hormones you pathetic woman. I mentally slap myself and make a note that I need to get laid soon before my raging libido starts making me hump inanimate objects from desperation.

“Th-thank you,” I managed to stutter. Suddenly I hear Rose’s familiar high pitched voice. It pierces the bubble we seem to have created around us and I’m brought sharply back to earth. I look behind me and I see her running across the road waving her arms in my direction and showing her all white, girl-next-door trademark smile. She slows down when she gets nearer to where we are standing and starts smoothing her highlighted blonde hair down. Even all flustered she’s still a sight to behold and even out of breath she is still catching the eye of every male in nearby vehicles. When she reaches us she holds out her hand to all-American boy Ryan and completely blanks me altogether. Hi Rose, I’m fine thank you Rose, thanks for asking Rose.

“Mr Gosling my name is Rose Burnett, it is an absolute pleasure to meet you, I am such a big fan!” she gushes shaking his hand rather vigorously. At this point I am completely lost. How does she know his last name? And a fan of what? What does this guy do? Surely she’s mistaken him for someone else; it wouldn’t be the first time she’s done that, that’s for sure.

“Do you mind if I have a picture with you? It would make me so happy!” she still shaking his hand.

“Um, yeah sure why not, I guess.” Ryan has finally been able to get a word in and has pulled his hand from hers and is flexing his fingers from her vice-like grip. Rose throws her phone at me, clearly expecting me to be the photographer and get a picture of them both. Sulkily I open the shutter on her phone and snap a couple of shots of them; Rose looking excited and to be honest rather crazy, and Ryan, looking calm, collected and so goddamn cool. I hand her mobile phone back to her and gathered my jacket around me. It was getting colder and I was getting bored of standing around watching Rose swoop and swoon over Ryan, and secretly, I was getting jealous too. However I was hoping I wasn’t just imagining Ryan glance at me every couple of minutes while being bombarded by Rose’s rehearsed questions. At one point he looks at me, starting at my hair and slowly making his way down my body, studying and analysing every bit of me right down to my boots. It makes me shift uncomfortably but at the same time makes my insides squirm with excitement. Afterwards he smiles a slow and lazy grin, like I’ve passed some sort of internal test of his.

            Eventually I decide it’s time to part ways. Rose has done enough question grilling and I really want to go home now. My chin is throbbing. I interrupt Rose in the middle of “what was your most challenging acting role to date so far?” to say

“Listen as lovely as this has been we really need to start heading off Rose. I have a lot of things to do today.” I grab her hand and tug her away from Ryan. I then mouth at him as she is gushing her goodbyes to “call me with laptop prices.” while making a hand gesture of pretend typing on a keyboard, in the air. He nods and says inaudibly so that only I can hear him,

“Until the next time, Alyssia, goodbye” and he winks.